Four women share their first-time sex experiences after baby - and how they differ will blow your mind.
This article was originally published on Kidspot.
In the beginning …
Pressed up against the bathroom vanity of our motel room - surrounded by mirrors on three sides - I looked at the man behind me and did my best not to think of the love of my life in the next room. My six-week-old baby boy. Please stay asleep, please stay asleep, please stay asleep, I chanted mantra-like in my head. This was it. Our first ever proper penis-in-vagina sex since our son's birth. I felt hyper-aware of my post-baby body. I was amazed at my boobs, but the movements of my belly horrified me. With mirrors on all three sides of the room, there was no escaping any of it. My body had changed. But my partner didn’t care. He thought my body was incredible and told me so. I looked at him, at us, and I kinda felt incredible too. I mean, what did I have to worry about? I had a tear-free birth and I’d been able to orgasm through our non-penetrative explorations ... Actually, I was excited – in that teenage girl about to ‘do it’ with her boyfriend kind of way.
So it took ages for the bleeding to stop and for me to feel like sex would be possible. But I was keen to reclaim my vagina as a place of pleasure - it had been utterly brutalised in birth and needed some loving. But it was a big deal having sex again. Nonetheless, I think we were both curious about what it would be like and keen to give it a go. After all, we’d had a great sex life before – I think we both really missed it. So one afternoon I suggested we just go for it. We put the baby to bed in the spare room and went to ours across the hall.
Our son was born and the end of October and we had sex on New Year's Eve. I was determined to get back on the horse (as it were) before the end of the year. We’d had a few goes the fortnight before, and it wasn't comfortable. I didn’t tear during childbirth, but I was snipped, and the skin where my stitches had been was very fresh and tender. I also felt like there was a 'corner' in my vagina that hadn't been there before. When my partner tried putting his penis inside me, he seemed to hit a wall! Well, that's how it felt to me. Anyway, we were camping with friends and I really felt that being able to reconnect with my pre-baby self was an important part of being able to let my partner in - literally. So I got a little bit drunk and we went from there!
My partner and I were both eager to get back on the horse and were ready to start as soon as we were allowed. I’d had an emergency c-section at 33 weeks and didn’t experience any trauma to my vagina, so I wasn’t at all afraid of having penetrative sex again. I really thought it was going to be easy ...
Riding the horse for the first time … again
I remember feeling horny, but so much of my mind was assigned to listening out for my baby that I found it difficult to really experience being in my body. I felt like I was standing in the breakers, diving under these wonderful waves of sensation only to surface too quickly, head out of the water on high alert. After lots of kissing and stroking and putting on a bit of a show for ourselves in front of the mirrors, I leant forward and allowed my partner to enter me. Ouch! Wait a second, did he just … did he just break my hymen? Because that little stab of pain was exactly what it felt like.
We started slow, in the missionary position, which was gentle and nice. But it was extremely difficult to focus on the task at hand. I had one ear cocked for the baby who was a noisy sleeper - I’d hear her grunt and get distracted. I was intensely aware of my body and self-conscious about the new wobbly bits and how my stomach felt against his. My partner LOVED my new tits but they were prone to leaking which wasn't so hot. And although I was conscious of how ‘tight’ I was (or wasn’t), my partner said it felt great. Really great apparently, because before I knew it we both got carried away, ended up in doggy position and it just got way too intense for me. I had to stop. It was just too painful.
Back in our tent, with our friends celebrating nearby, it was time. “Gotta do it!” I thought. My partner was very patient and understanding. He let me guide the process and just waited to be told what to do! Let's face it, anything was going to be better than his memory of the last time we'd had sex, when I was heavily pregnant, in an attempt to bring on childbirth. (I cried. It wasn't pretty.) To be honest I gritted my teeth a bit and pushed past that feeling of the corner, or wall, inside myself. It was OK, but it wasn't great. I only felt comfortable in missionary position.
I can’t really remember all the gory details, but I certainly remember that it hurt like hell and I was like WTF, I had c-section?! "Well, maybe it'll take a while for everything to settle down up and around there," I remember thinking. But I was horny, so why did it feel so sucky?
So, did anyone have a happy ending?
My partner was very accommodating - as most are I imagine after months of no P-In-V sex! I’m pretty sure that I came, but it didn't have anything to do with the crappy penetration feeling - I have easy clitoral orgasms. But really, that "first-time" was the beginning of a long and painful journey for my husband and I and a tough time in our marriage. I experienced pain during intercourse for the next four years until a doctor was able to diagnose my condition and solve the problem. But that is another story.
I wouldn’t exactly describe the experience as pleasurable, not physically at least, though it was lovely to feel that connection with my partner again. And, while I didn’t have an orgasm, I felt the experience freed me up emotionally. I felt happy, relieved - I did it!
After such a long time between shags, I was a bit hurt that things got so rough on our first outing. I wish it could have stayed gentle and soft, how we started. Then, about 20 minutes after we stopped, everything started to hurt. A lot. I had regret. He had guilt. We just held each other for a long time - or as long as our sleeping baby would allow. Later I found out that the damage done by my birth was worse than first thought. It was a long and painful healing process and it was eight months before we could have sex again.
First-time sex: that's almost exactly what it felt like. Only now I was older and more experienced and I knew how to use my muscles to make myself come. Except they weren’t as “obvious” as they used to be. Basically, reaching a peak was a lot of work! And then the unexpected happened. SPLOOSH! I suddenly gushed like I had never gushed before. It was like someone had tipped a bucket of water on the bathroom floor from a dizzying height. My partner came at the same time and my shock was quickly replaced with wild, giddy, joyous laughter. I was exalted, astonished I felt like … like … I’d just lost my virginity. Properly, again.