This story originally appeared on Body + Soul
We need to face facts. We just don’t have time for sexy time, so Netflix time will have to do.
If there’s one thing my partner and I have always been excellent at, it is the Sex. Before the Child came along, time in one another’s company was spent doing not much else and for us, this seemed a completely acceptable marker that we had what it takes to maintain a long-term, committed relationship.
But as I previously remarked, that was before the Child - a time we refer to as, When-we-were-hot.
Now that the Child is amongst us, the Sex has taken a torn, mildewy back seat. Every now and then the Sex is given a turn in the driver’s seat, but that’s mostly for the purposes of easing into the garage quickly, quietly and without hitting the sides, so we can all get some sleep.
We’d rather be watching Netflix
It’s sad but true. By the end of the day, my partner and I are usually so exhausted we can hardly speak, let alone bump uglies. So it has come to be that we celebrate each other not with lust, but with wine and our mutual lover, Netflix.
It was innocent at first. Our favourite programs were House of Cards and Brooklyn 99 - not exactly the kinds of shows that get the motor going (because… politicians & cops - ew).
But then we started on something else. And now, I’m not sure if we can go back.
Vikings broke the sex drought
You see before Vikings, our retiring to the sofa was exactly that, a retirement. We’d retired from duty, retired from responsibility, and retired from sex. But after Vikings, something changed.
The first time was a surprise: “I’m so tired, yet I think I’ve turned into an animal.”
The second time felt like winning the raffle: “Is it gonna happen is it gonna happen is it gonna happen is it gonna happen? Yes yes YES!”
And now it’s taken the place of cocktails or a fancy dinner out - Netflix has become our foreplay.
Who has time for real foreplay anymore?
After speaking to some friends on this point, I found that we’re not alone in our saucy secret.
More than one admitted that indulging in a little bit of Outlander before bed turned them into the kind of swooning hornbag they’d long ago relegated to their teenage years (although it does seem the women are mostly alone in this infatuation).
Raylan Givens from Justified received more than one mention (and it seems the men are on board with this one too).
Even Suits made it to the table. Not to mention Mad Men, Californication (not technically Netflix, but hey) and I’m sure you could add some more.
Sad but true?
What has actually happened to us? According to the latest Australian Study of Health and Relationships, couples are having less sex now than they were a decade ago.
The study provided no explanation for the decline, but lead author Juliet Richters, Professor of sexual health at UNSW Australia, told The Conversation that the intrusion of individually consumed media into home life may play a role.
“People take their laptops and smartphones to bed and are reading their work emails before they go to sleep at night,” she said. “It’s that feeling that you’re always on duty.”
This seems like a reasonable explanation. One finding of the study was that most participants said they found sex with their partner extremely or very pleasurable and would ideally like to have sex two to four times per week.
And yes, that does sound lovely, but what do we do when we get to the end of the series?